Text Conversation as follows:

Me: “Want to go walking downtown this evening?”

Ben: “Sure, ****** wants to go to.”

Me (staring at phone): “….”


Perhaps I should give you a little back story to clarify my hesitance at spending a nice trio outing with ******.

A year ago, when I met Ben he had a ‘good’ friend (We shall refer to her as ‘Lady Bi’ as I feel the asterisks have already gotten tired.) She’s a nice albeit intense and flighty…how she pulls that off I’ll never know.

Anyway, it was the early stages of our courtship and it never crossed my mind that there was anything there besides a quirky friendship.  I was fresh in town and she was very friendly and ingratiating.  Lady Bi and I became….well I can’t say ‘fast friends’.  Let’s go with a ‘good time hang’.

So over the short time I’ve known Lady Bi, I’ve come to learn she’s a bit of an ‘over share’. Her sexual appetites (if you haven’t gotten the Lady Bi bit yet, I weep for your sense of humor)….her political views…her menstrual cycle.  But I chose to ignore it as a personality quirk.

….wait for it….

One day, some of the girls and I were dishing men and sex.  Ben is very old school when he wants to be and he had made it clear he wanted to wait until we got to know each other before airing out the sheets…shut up, I thought it was cute.

Well, I mentioned this to the girls and how, even though I did appreciate the romanticism of it, the batteries were getting pretty worn out in my special friend.  

A little later Lady Bi takes me aside…and I shit you not…says the following:

“You know, Ben and I used to be friends with benefits and it takes him awhile to warm up.  If you want me to say something to him, I’d be more than happy too.”


I had somewhere to be, so I was saved a response, but I had a long time to really think about that statement before I saw Ben again.  Needless to say, Ladies and Gentlemen, I was pissed the **** off by the time I did get a chance to talk to him.

I won’t go into the…umm discussion that followed that night. I’ve already recounted a more recent fight we’ve had and I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m not mad about this guy or we fight all the time.  Because, honestly, these examples are two of the three fights we’ve had since we’ve been together.

The purpose of my post is to ask the question….Are you OKAY with hanging out with your significant others Ex?  

Ben said it never meant anything and, after they got bored with it, they went back to just friends.  Good for them.  More power to them…but…

All I can think when we are all together is “…You banged her.”  and “Why?!”  

Trust me no women wants to get a good long look at any of your exes.

If she’s hot, than it becomes “Who broke up with who?” and “Do I worry about them getting back together?”

If she’s not, than it becomes “Where you drunk?” and, sadly “Wait, if this is your type…what does it say about me?!”

So with all the potential landmines and misunderstandings of still hanging with an Ex…why do it?