Text Conversation as follows:

Me: “Want to go walking downtown this evening?”

Ben: “Sure, ****** wants to go to.”

Me (staring at phone): “….”


Perhaps I should give you a little back story to clarify my hesitance at spending a nice trio outing with ******.

A year ago, when I met Ben he had a ‘good’ friend (We shall refer to her as ‘Lady Bi’ as I feel the asterisks have already gotten tired.) She’s a nice albeit intense and flighty…how she pulls that off I’ll never know.

Anyway, it was the early stages of our courtship and it never crossed my mind that there was anything there besides a quirky friendship.  I was fresh in town and she was very friendly and ingratiating.  Lady Bi and I became….well I can’t say ‘fast friends’.  Let’s go with a ‘good time hang’.

So over the short time I’ve known Lady Bi, I’ve come to learn she’s a bit of an ‘over share’. Her sexual appetites (if you haven’t gotten the Lady Bi bit yet, I weep for your sense of humor)….her political views…her menstrual cycle.  But I chose to ignore it as a personality quirk.

….wait for it….

One day, some of the girls and I were dishing men and sex.  Ben is very old school when he wants to be and he had made it clear he wanted to wait until we got to know each other before airing out the sheets…shut up, I thought it was cute.

Well, I mentioned this to the girls and how, even though I did appreciate the romanticism of it, the batteries were getting pretty worn out in my special friend.  

A little later Lady Bi takes me aside…and I shit you not…says the following:

“You know, Ben and I used to be friends with benefits and it takes him awhile to warm up.  If you want me to say something to him, I’d be more than happy too.”


I had somewhere to be, so I was saved a response, but I had a long time to really think about that statement before I saw Ben again.  Needless to say, Ladies and Gentlemen, I was pissed the **** off by the time I did get a chance to talk to him.

I won’t go into the…umm discussion that followed that night. I’ve already recounted a more recent fight we’ve had and I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m not mad about this guy or we fight all the time.  Because, honestly, these examples are two of the three fights we’ve had since we’ve been together.

The purpose of my post is to ask the question….Are you OKAY with hanging out with your significant others Ex?  

Ben said it never meant anything and, after they got bored with it, they went back to just friends.  Good for them.  More power to them…but…

All I can think when we are all together is “…You banged her.”  and “Why?!”  

Trust me no women wants to get a good long look at any of your exes.

If she’s hot, than it becomes “Who broke up with who?” and “Do I worry about them getting back together?”

If she’s not, than it becomes “Where you drunk?” and, sadly “Wait, if this is your type…what does it say about me?!”

So with all the potential landmines and misunderstandings of still hanging with an Ex…why do it?

ImageWe had a huge, dynamic changing fight yesterday.  Though I don’t think he knows.  I do that from time to time…make a mountain out of mole hill.  Its not all my fault.  When you spend your entire life believing no one gives two pence if you’re around, its easy to believe people will walk away if you give them enough time.

It started out like any other couples fight.  Ben said something about my weight and I took it very badly.  (I can be a very typical chick even when I don’t want to be.) He took one look at my face and sounded the retreat.

“I’m sorry…”, he said.  Like that was enough.

Quick note to you gentlemen, out there.  Always go for the hug and “Of course, I would never think that!  You are gorgeous!”  Yes, we know its bullshit, but its like with ‘just eating one more chip’.  Its a lie that makes life easier to stomach.

Sooo anyway, that wasn’t so bad.  A part of me knew it wasn’t meant as an insult.  I pouted and went to the bedroom.  This is where it gets messy.  Thinking there was nothing he could do or say right, he decides ON HIS OWN, we need ‘space‘.  I look out the window…Ben is getting in his car…and leaving.


I grew up in a house were fights happened…often and with impunity   Everyone argued, yelled and then went about their day.  But if it got bad enough were people walked out the door…well, they typically didn’t come back.  It meant “Your bullshit has reached my limit.”  So, to say I didn’t take this well it an understatement.

Imagine any drama, romance or other bullshit movie you’ve seen in your adult or semi-adult life…typically one or the other runs out into the cold, chasing after their mate,  Trying to stop them and screaming their undying devotion or a torrent of vitriol while gesticulating wildly and plainly making an utter fool of both parties.  Spoiler Alert: This is not the first one.

Plus side? My neighbors didn’t have to worry about the fact they missed their Telenovela earlier that day.  Daytime Emmy here I come.

I’m gonna rap this up because its becoming to ‘Bridget Jones” for my taste.

But in the grand scheme of things, we both learned something.  I now know people just need a moment to think…that not everyone feels as comfortable voicing every little thing that runs screaming through their head and that it doesn’t mean they want out.  They just want time.

….And he now knows my best time on 0 to screeching harpy is a lot shorter than was previously believed.  And that it might be best to clarify his intentions when entering or exiting said dwelling for fear of violent repercussions.

…And knowing is half the battle!

In the Grand Scheme of Things….